I stole
for generations
the milk
of the sun
standing by
the ocean
with a six pack
in corner store
plastic sunnies
having the best day
maybe you did too
first I stared
for a while
then I ran
into the water
and a giant
wave crashed
in my face
I invite you to see
double
first in the making
and then dismantling
all while knowing
nothing can be
created
or
destroyed
we did it
under
the sea mural
I liked
the one with the
big turtle
it’ll be a few
years until I tell
someone about them
a few more years
til I start cutting
plastic rings for them
both which will
become me
me who will
listen when
the internet tells me
maybe
I’d be an interior
designer thinking
I’ve been rearranging
that’s for sure
it never looks good
enough up here
but some days look
magic even from
my un feng shui
built-in-brain sunnies
then I saw
you were so
fucking wild
oh shit
this city is it
you said and
sent me an email
about the good stuff
you pulled out
a joint
and we stared
at the water
I’d later learn
this is everything
looking at water like it matters
it didn’t feel real
til it felt like shit
the playlist you made
actually didn’t get it right
though you swore
it couldn’t
not
but forgot to ask me
how do you make someone feel
the greater good?
I’m asking
for a friend
a spade by any other name
would smell like shit
but don’t get too sad
this happened
hundreds of times
before that day
so I know the drill
delete
destroy
disassociate
it happened to unhappen
some might reach
for mythology
to get through this
I might
reach back in
this must be
a joke right
I don’t think
a single person
will crack
a smile
the next time
I walk
I’m wearing
your shoes
cause when
you walk
you never
trip and they’re so
damn comfortable
in their bones
I’m sure
they too
want
to die
and in their mind
they are
determined to
we get sweaty
for the view
an emergency spitting
from the next
and when it comes time
for the cut
there is a dog
inside of a car
or jumping
the back fence
or chasing
something still
look at me
getting my feelings
all over
my sleeve
and keep this
between
you and me
or closer
imagine
we are harmonizing
on our birthdays
happy birthday
to you
we are a hundred
little things
at the dollar general
try not to feel all
0 to 100
paradise doesn’t do
walking or running
stars do this
sexy saunter
hot enough
to be photographed
for my
morning coffee
and I am trying
to feel
warm
in a normal way
a non-emergency
way like
I’m not scared to
die
or live
but
I don’t remember anyone
ever telling me
it would be ok
do you
honestly think
it is all going
to be
alright
I am asking for a friend
a spade calling *69
asking is your refrigerator
running
or walking
I reach back in
a second time
Orpheus would have
past the old mustard
blueberry juice
grab a rubens brew
from the grocery outlet
jingle
stuck in my head
drink my ambrosia
all life starts at the
refrigerator
I know this well
we must keep it cold
to survive
a friend
who was
initially scared
of me
apologized and asked
my pronouns
then asked
if I wanted
to come off as cold
I responded by
finishing my cold
beer and asking her
to come
and get another
with me
lately I’ve been lacking
social skills
it’s been so damn long
it’s been online shopping
it’s been the moon
it’s been the news
I like the way
they make me feel
insignificant
which I realize
is a result
of early childhood
trauma but
I’m still here
right so
the cold
did it’s job
this is a poem
about my friend
who wants to be
an astronaut
they like it here
but you know
something bad happened
and it’d be easier
to leave
I hope you leave
with an aching pain
ha just kidding
I hope you already
had it and now
it feels better
like my therapist
I’m trying to
find something brilliant
to make it better
but
it’s so stupid
how easy it is
to sound stupid
how do you
make someone feel
intelligent without
making it
a whole thing
how do you
ask to be
who you are
without making it
a whole thing
I am asking
for a friend
who can’t quite
sort out being
a woman
in a world where
that just sucks
cats on the phone
cents on the dollar
bloody bloody sunday
I can't close
my eyes
and make it
go away
I was born
soft and got
sanded down
to be
still soft
but
missing something
they got in
the crack
no in the groove
of it
any drug that uses
itself can’t be
that bad
any nobody
saving me
who didn’t lose first
is reading this hard
but
a poem is something
to be figured out
so just relax in words
like ocean sounds
waves crashing
on big old rocks
birds soaring through
heating sky
turtles trapped
in plastic shit
I did it again
hope you got in
a moment
to my
earlier point
either you make yourself
or someone will make you first
either you throw the frisbee
or someone will knock it out of your hands
either you keep reading this poem
or I will know you stopped reading and be hurt
either you decide to stop
or keep going
it’s up to you
I have no recommendation
I still look at the water
as often as possible
for as long as possible
and it’s helping
sometimes
I think
high thoughts
like where
has this water been
and this water
is 4 billion
years old
then
a kid’s frisbee
hits me on
the head
and I smile
it’s okay
I wish I had
a frisbee today
my friend
who almost
died on the clock
would have
never told
their parents
their name
fuck said
the tombstone
both said
the dirt